A broken mountain

~My blood's red,

I have feelings~

It happens at times

There are those times in life where you can be surrounded by friends/family and still feel like the worlds loneliest person. Imagine being mute, deaf and blind with no way at all of communicating how you feel because no one understands. You feel no one is listening or paying attention and when they do it means almost nothing to you because it’s too late.
I may not be the smartest person on earth but I’m sure as hell not the dumbest but I feel it A LOT. People undermine me all the time, take advantage and break me ALL THE TIME. But I still care, I always care but in times like this I feel like no one cares. There’s no one to pull me out of this because it’s just too much effort to bother more than once, twice, thrice.

It’s hard not to retract oneself into oneself when you feel like no matter the explaining, trying or effort will help anyone understand. But understand what? I dunno. I have no idea how I feel, if I even feel at all, that’s a lie I feel hurt and angry. Why does it feel like I am the only trying? Trying with what? EVERYTHING, except school.

When I feel like this I just wish I didn’t exist, maybe that’s selfish, maybe I am selfish but for once I want to selfish.

I WANT to not exist. I WANT to be noticed. I WANT to mean something and I WANT someone to show me that they appreciate me.

I am not selfless in any way, that’s just stupid but if caring is the meaning of selfless then sure call me selfless but know that that would only show how rare it is for people care these days. How sad is that.

I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW PEOPLE COULD NOT. Where has all the bloody compassion gone in this world? What happened to helping those who need help?
We all make mistakes, to say we’re only human is an excuse but nonetheless it’s a vital part of learning.

I guess I’m angry at the world and perhaps I’m over reacting though its just reacting in my books not over reacting.

I wish someone would listen to me without trying to put me down, without undermining me and without making me feel like my opinion doesn’t count because it’s wrong. But it’s not wrong to me it’s just my opinion.

I WANT to be right for once and for someone to accept it. But alas I will probably always be wrong.

Don’t get me wrong and think I feel sorry for myself because I don’t I’m just tired of always feeling second best and not worthy of shit.

I’m tired of life, I guess I’m getting boring and old. I live too much in my head to know what it means to have an actually goal, to know what a realistic goal such be.

Dreams? Well they’re just as unrealistic I suppose, but I like them and they will stay with me.There are those times in life where you can be surrounded by friends/family and still feel like the worlds loneliest person. Imagine being mute, deaf and blind with no way at all of communicating how you feel because no one understands. You feel no one is listening or paying attention and when they do it means almost nothing to you because it’s too late.

I may not be the smartest person on earth but I’m sure as hell not the dumbest but I feel it A LOT. People undermine me all the time, take advantage and break me ALL THE TIME. But I still care, I always care but in times like this I feel like no one cares. There’s no one to pull me out of this because it’s just too much effort to bother more than once, twice, thrice.

It’s hard not to retract oneself into oneself when you feel like no matter the explaining, trying or effort will help anyone understand. But understand what? I dunno. I have no idea how I feel, if I even feel at all, that’s a lie I feel hurt and angry. Why does it feel like I am the only trying? Trying with what? EVERYTHING, except school.

When I feel like this I just wish I didn’t exist, maybe that’s selfish, maybe I am selfish but for once I want to selfish.

I WANT to not exist. I WANT to be noticed. I WANT to mean something and I WANT someone to show me that they appreciate me.

I am not selfless in any way, that’s just stupid but if caring is the meaning of selfless then sure call me selfless but know that that would only show how rare it is for people care these days. How sad is that.

I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW PEOPLE COULD NOT. Where has all the bloody compassion gone in this world? What happened to helping those who need help?
We all make mistakes, to say we’re only human is an excuse but nonetheless it’s a vital part of learning.

I guess I’m angry at the world and perhaps I’m over reacting though its just reacting in my books not over reacting.

I wish someone would listen to me without trying to put me down, without undermining me and without making me feel like my opinion doesn’t count because it’s wrong. But it’s not wrong to me it’s just my opinion.

I WANT to be right for once and for someone to accept it. But alas I will probably always be wrong.

Don’t get me wrong and think I feel sorry for myself because I don’t I’m just tired of always feeling second best and not worthy of shit.

I’m tired of life, I guess I’m getting boring and old. I live too much in my head to know what it means to have an actually goal, to know what a realistic goal such be.

Dreams? Well they’re just as unrealistic I suppose, but I like them and they will stay with me.

sleep

I wish it was your arms around me,

those nights where I cry myself to sleep.

And not my own.