'Keep this between me and you..'

'... Don't tell your mother, but if you want to live your life,

then pack your bags and leave quietly,' he said.

'Write me a note telling me that I am no longer your father,

and that you are no longer my daughter. But please don't 

bring everyone else down with you.'

'Ok,' she said.

With her heart so black with hatred she let the tears roll and the time pass,

and thought to herself, 'I'm free.'

'Please?'

... she asked.
'No,' he replied.

And that was the moment she realised she fucking hated him,
for everything and nothing all at once.
If being nice were not second nature to her, she would
have shoved him the finger.

shit.

Well fuck you and everything you stand for,
for nothing matters,
I just miss you.

Don't

waste your time on me,
You're already the voice inside my head.

-Blink182, I Miss you

3 words that kill me inside

MAYBE ONE DAY.

I feel

this draft in my chest,
where once there was a wind breaker,
now only lies the occasional speck of dust.

Here,

Where you once were there is a stain.

Tears...

...are the soul shedding its skin.

Inside me

There's all this pain, all this hurt, all this sadness
that I know is there but I can't feel it.
My heart is so heavy I can barely hold myself upright.


I try to cry and I can feel it welling up 
but the tears won't come, won't fall, won't escape.


There is no relief.
My emotions trapped in a vacuum.
Where's that open door people speak of?
I can't see it.


I'm trapped in a homemade prison.
Like I led myself here,
To try and capture the me,
I no longer want to give to others.

Have you..

Ever seen a human heart?
It looks like a fist covered in blood.


~closer

Nostalgia's

cold arms wrap around me at night,
and pull me so far back 
I will never move forward.

If my heart were a flower...

I think it just wilted.

End Credits of my life

I can feel, something happening
that I've never felt before
Hopeless dreaming will start,
Dragging me away from heavens door

When my mind stops thinking,
My eyes stop blinking,
I hope
Somebodys there.

And my heart stops beating
and my lungs stop breathing
in air,
I hope somebody cares,

I...

...Actually don't know anymore.

I Just...

...wish I could reach the Moon

Emptiness vs happiness

~ Don't be fooled by your emptiness, 
There's so much more room for Happiness~


-Skylar Grey

heartbreak with a good beat

~Then you tell her that the only way her heart will mend,

Is when she learns to love again.~

-Robyn

Honest?

Love from Lust

A broken mountain

~My blood's red,

I have feelings~

It happens at times

There are those times in life where you can be surrounded by friends/family and still feel like the worlds loneliest person. Imagine being mute, deaf and blind with no way at all of communicating how you feel because no one understands. You feel no one is listening or paying attention and when they do it means almost nothing to you because it’s too late.
I may not be the smartest person on earth but I’m sure as hell not the dumbest but I feel it A LOT. People undermine me all the time, take advantage and break me ALL THE TIME. But I still care, I always care but in times like this I feel like no one cares. There’s no one to pull me out of this because it’s just too much effort to bother more than once, twice, thrice.

It’s hard not to retract oneself into oneself when you feel like no matter the explaining, trying or effort will help anyone understand. But understand what? I dunno. I have no idea how I feel, if I even feel at all, that’s a lie I feel hurt and angry. Why does it feel like I am the only trying? Trying with what? EVERYTHING, except school.

When I feel like this I just wish I didn’t exist, maybe that’s selfish, maybe I am selfish but for once I want to selfish.

I WANT to not exist. I WANT to be noticed. I WANT to mean something and I WANT someone to show me that they appreciate me.

I am not selfless in any way, that’s just stupid but if caring is the meaning of selfless then sure call me selfless but know that that would only show how rare it is for people care these days. How sad is that.

I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW PEOPLE COULD NOT. Where has all the bloody compassion gone in this world? What happened to helping those who need help?
We all make mistakes, to say we’re only human is an excuse but nonetheless it’s a vital part of learning.

I guess I’m angry at the world and perhaps I’m over reacting though its just reacting in my books not over reacting.

I wish someone would listen to me without trying to put me down, without undermining me and without making me feel like my opinion doesn’t count because it’s wrong. But it’s not wrong to me it’s just my opinion.

I WANT to be right for once and for someone to accept it. But alas I will probably always be wrong.

Don’t get me wrong and think I feel sorry for myself because I don’t I’m just tired of always feeling second best and not worthy of shit.

I’m tired of life, I guess I’m getting boring and old. I live too much in my head to know what it means to have an actually goal, to know what a realistic goal such be.

Dreams? Well they’re just as unrealistic I suppose, but I like them and they will stay with me.There are those times in life where you can be surrounded by friends/family and still feel like the worlds loneliest person. Imagine being mute, deaf and blind with no way at all of communicating how you feel because no one understands. You feel no one is listening or paying attention and when they do it means almost nothing to you because it’s too late.

I may not be the smartest person on earth but I’m sure as hell not the dumbest but I feel it A LOT. People undermine me all the time, take advantage and break me ALL THE TIME. But I still care, I always care but in times like this I feel like no one cares. There’s no one to pull me out of this because it’s just too much effort to bother more than once, twice, thrice.

It’s hard not to retract oneself into oneself when you feel like no matter the explaining, trying or effort will help anyone understand. But understand what? I dunno. I have no idea how I feel, if I even feel at all, that’s a lie I feel hurt and angry. Why does it feel like I am the only trying? Trying with what? EVERYTHING, except school.

When I feel like this I just wish I didn’t exist, maybe that’s selfish, maybe I am selfish but for once I want to selfish.

I WANT to not exist. I WANT to be noticed. I WANT to mean something and I WANT someone to show me that they appreciate me.

I am not selfless in any way, that’s just stupid but if caring is the meaning of selfless then sure call me selfless but know that that would only show how rare it is for people care these days. How sad is that.

I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW PEOPLE COULD NOT. Where has all the bloody compassion gone in this world? What happened to helping those who need help?
We all make mistakes, to say we’re only human is an excuse but nonetheless it’s a vital part of learning.

I guess I’m angry at the world and perhaps I’m over reacting though its just reacting in my books not over reacting.

I wish someone would listen to me without trying to put me down, without undermining me and without making me feel like my opinion doesn’t count because it’s wrong. But it’s not wrong to me it’s just my opinion.

I WANT to be right for once and for someone to accept it. But alas I will probably always be wrong.

Don’t get me wrong and think I feel sorry for myself because I don’t I’m just tired of always feeling second best and not worthy of shit.

I’m tired of life, I guess I’m getting boring and old. I live too much in my head to know what it means to have an actually goal, to know what a realistic goal such be.

Dreams? Well they’re just as unrealistic I suppose, but I like them and they will stay with me.

sleep

I wish it was your arms around me,

those nights where I cry myself to sleep.

And not my own.

You Knew

People say:

'You don't know what you've got

until its gone.'

Truth is, you knew what you had.

You just never thought you'd lose it

oh well

Sometimes you just have to admit life is a little shit

and the only person you can blame is yourself