C'est cho, ca brule

Okay...

Does the term 'playing with fire' mean anything to you?

It would imply that you're involved in something dangerous whether it be emotionally or physically, but also it could mean you are interacting with or involved in something bad. I happen to enjoy playing with fire when it doesn't hurt anyone but myself. I know for a fact it will eventually get me into trouble but right now I don't mind as long as I'm the only one getting hurt. The only problem is that you can never guaranty that that is so, someone always seems to get caught up in it too and ends up getting more hurt than me. But the intention was never to get anyone else involved maybe thats why its called playing with fire, because it spreads and burns everything around you. But why do I like doing it then? Why does it not remain secret or private? I guess because the benefits are almost immediate and the repercussions don't set in until ages afterwards and only happen if someone else finds out. I seem to be implying that I am doing something extremely bad which I am not, just considering some stuff that could be deemed as playing with fire. At least I'm not feeding the flame or setting fire to anything, yet.

I'm just very confused and tarnished at the moment. I feel like I have been burnt badly by someone else's enjoyment of the flame. This could just all be devils work, and all these fires represent the flames of hell and that its best to steer well clear but they are so enticing and beautiful, they way they flicker and dance.

'Those who play with fire, get burnt'

maybe I want to get burnt, maybe I need to feel the flame one last time before finally putting the fire out completely.

ciao

Chances for all

Can someone run out of chances?

Does it get to a stage where it just turns into taking advantage of another's goodwill or do chances just depend on the person handing them out?

I would like to say that I forgive easily and am unable to form the emotion linked to hatred and in most respects that is very true but somethings lie deeper than just a sorry, they have to be felt and meant and acted on in such a way that prevents them happening again, but how will you ever really be sure of that, I guess its a chance we take ourselves.

Someone wise told me that sometimes its not the other person who you need to give the chance to but yourself, for not all changes rely on one person alone and that is very true. You may be giving chances away like the wind blows but they mean nothing if the person you give them to cant or wont change alone and thats why you have to change a little too, but are you willing, am I willing? I can honestly say I do not know, it would be like causing myself unnecessary pain or is it worth it? That's a stupid question because the only way we would ever know the answer to that one is if we could see in to the future, so I guess its another chance we just have to take.

Why so many chances?

Ciao

sobz

My heart is a sidewalk and I am a white rose...

So recently I have been reading this book called Evermore which has gotten me interested in flower meanings so I thought I would share.

Did you know that a red tulip is a declaration of love.

White Rose is for a heart ignorant of love.

Yellow Roses symbolise Jealousy.

Forget-me-nots symbolise true love.

White Lilies mean purity.

The funniest one I found but also most amazing was:

Lettuce is for someone cold hearted.

~My heart once a beautiful forget-me-not is now

a tarnished white rose, robbed of all goodness and

innocence~

Please Don't..

Please don't leave me

for I am a lonely soul,

your lonely soul comforted mine

Please don't stop loving me

for I never knew how to love before you

but maybe this isnt love

Please don't make me cry

for my eyes did never cry so

not until you taught them what pain was

Please don't confuse me

for I barely know how to feel as it is

you could at least have given me a clue

Please don't try and make me hate you

for I wouldn't know how

I only know how to love you

Please don't hurt me anymore

make your mind up

its getting harder and harder to see clearly

~Only you could hurt me so many times and still

make me love more each and every day~

Confusion

What is happiness?

does it have a colour?

Are you meant to feel?

Can it leave you?

If it were a colour it would be blue

blue is calm

blue is moving

blue is beautiful

blue is cold

If it were a feeling it would be nausea

nausea makes you dizzy

nausea makes you sick

nausea makes you stop eating

nausea makes you sad

If it could leave you

it would leave you lying on the floor

it would leave you crying begging for more

it would leave you bleeding

it would leave you needing

~Happiness is nothing but a wrongly defined word,

For what they say should be linked to it,

Rarely happens so~

Happiness

Someone told me:

If you want to be happy

then just be

The most true saying in the world but also false sometimes sadness is just too overpowering to conquer by merely forcing yourself to feel otherwise.

But I nonetheless believe in the saying.

Mwah

sobz

so seeing as being sad seems to by my forte, I am going to wallow again. Just when I thought my life was actually looking up something else strikes me down and you would have thought that after a certain amount of pain that you stop feeling but its not so. In some strange way the more hurt you are the more intensified the pain is the next time, but I think I have gotten to a stage where I just numb myself up and feel nothing which I dunno if is better or worse to be truthful.

As paramore say:

'You are the only exception'

and how true that sentence is, you don't realise how much until you love someone.

peace

sobz