heartbreak

~BEAUTIFUL DISASTER~

it's a waiting game from here

The further you get into a relationship the more it hurts when you realise things are going wrong or when you argue, maybe its because the person means so much more to you at that stage and although you're frustrated and angry, you're also scared to hell that what you said hurt the other person beyond repair. This is probably why a lot of friends and couples don't always say exactly what they need to or are thinking, although the saying 'Think before you speak' is a valuable lesson to learn trust me. The scariest thing also is the deeper you go the more of you the other person holds to destroy, which also works both ways. This could mean that the smallest thing could hurt the other person, but in contradiction to that you should also be more forgiving towards the other person the deeper you get because you become more sympathetic and understanding of the persons personality traits and behavioural tendencies.
There is always that strange feeling you get when you think someone might not want you around, so naturally you step away and wait for them to approach or for some kind of sign that they are ready to talk about it. But what if there are no signs and no approach is it then ok to make the first move? Putting too much distance could potential make the other person believe that you don't care which is never really the truth. Sometimes you wish you could help but there is no conceivable means of helping because the other person isn't ready to accept it and then the only thing to do is wait.
~time heals all...apparently~

...

I dislike summer due to the heat, and maybe because it limits me
to what I do. I don't like being hot its like walking around with a
constant fever. =[ I like being active and running around loads but I can't do
that when its ultra hot and I just feel like sleeping. It doesnt help that
I feel like something is missing or not quite right.

Mon Coeur

What is it to be in love with the forbidden fruit?
Oh no c'est pas vrai mais oui, c'est moi.
I am in love with what seems like a distant dream, I did commit a sin and I ceased it with both hands to
say the least, I loved every moment of it but that doesn't make it right. Though I do not regret
but that doesn't make it right either. To commit a sin against someone else, a sin in which you
yourself would never want to be at the consequence receiving end.
Alor c'est la vie avec l'amore et les problème.
C'est un problème avec mon cœur parce que j'adore il =[
ciao

...

Here I have harvested my pain..

Hope it makes you happy.

parents

SERIOUSLY!?

When do parents realise that their children have gotten to the age where they can look after themselves and stop having to feel so protective of them, I mean no disrespect to all those parents out there who try their hardest to look after their children but sometimes enough is enough and it's insane when they still feel the need to control every aspect of the child's life when they reach the age of like 19.... I mean am I not old enough to make my own judgements and choose my own path in life, have I not spent my whole life abiding by your rules and learning everything there is to learn from my parents, the rest is up to me to find out.

What is this control? Why do parents feel the need to have this kind of control on their older children? I mean should they not be waning the kids out of this control? Otherwise how on earth will the kids ever be able to cope on their own?!?!

I hope to god that I never become one of these parents...

C'est cho, ca brule

Okay...

Does the term 'playing with fire' mean anything to you?

It would imply that you're involved in something dangerous whether it be emotionally or physically, but also it could mean you are interacting with or involved in something bad. I happen to enjoy playing with fire when it doesn't hurt anyone but myself. I know for a fact it will eventually get me into trouble but right now I don't mind as long as I'm the only one getting hurt. The only problem is that you can never guaranty that that is so, someone always seems to get caught up in it too and ends up getting more hurt than me. But the intention was never to get anyone else involved maybe thats why its called playing with fire, because it spreads and burns everything around you. But why do I like doing it then? Why does it not remain secret or private? I guess because the benefits are almost immediate and the repercussions don't set in until ages afterwards and only happen if someone else finds out. I seem to be implying that I am doing something extremely bad which I am not, just considering some stuff that could be deemed as playing with fire. At least I'm not feeding the flame or setting fire to anything, yet.

I'm just very confused and tarnished at the moment. I feel like I have been burnt badly by someone else's enjoyment of the flame. This could just all be devils work, and all these fires represent the flames of hell and that its best to steer well clear but they are so enticing and beautiful, they way they flicker and dance.

'Those who play with fire, get burnt'

maybe I want to get burnt, maybe I need to feel the flame one last time before finally putting the fire out completely.

ciao