Radio.

'Now my life is sweet like cinnamon

Like a fucking dream I'm living in

Baby love me cause I'm playing on the radio

(How do you like me now?)

Pick me up and take me like a vitamin

'Cause my body's sweet like sugar venom oh yeah

Baby love me cause I'm playing on the radio

(How do you like me now?)'

-Lana Del Rey

I need to...

~To using the future to escape the present~

She opened her mouth,

but still the air would open her lungs kindly.

For hours, days, months now she had not been able to breathe,

not a single breath that did not tear her apart inside.

"Who are you?"

... She shouted.
"You who goes there with your hands grasping so tightly around my heart?"

For once...

She found herself alone with him one day, she told him to listen as she read a sonnet:
'“You say that you love rain, but you open your umbrella when it rains. You say that you love the sun, but you find a shadow spot when the sun shines. You say that you love the wind, but you close your windows when wind blows. This is why I am afraid, you say that you love me too.” 
She looked him straight in the eyes and with a shaky voice said, 'Now do you understand.'

shouting,

her thoughts were so loud she couldn't hear the words she spoke.
She spoke them out of habit, answering questions and making simple conversation.
Everything was simple to her, nothing worth the hassle it entailed, but her mind
filled to the brim with complicated thoughts and memories.

She couldn't breathe...

... she was drowning again, being pulled down the same spiralling plughole. The suffocation didn't ease, she felt it whilst she slept, she felt it in her waking moments but worst of all she felt it in her happiness, a happiness so false she found herself gasping for air at the best of times. Her chest cavity becoming heavier and heavier with an emptiness determined to hold her back. She was losing the battle to remain herself and was slowly letting it consume her. She was planning to run and she was planning to run far and forever.